What is Relapse?

Relapse is often referred to as, “a part of recovery”. Here we refute this myth and describe what a relapse is and how it can be prevented.

The definition of a relapse.

If you examine the pure definition of the term “relapse” this is what you’ll find:

re·lapse (r-lps)

To fall or slide back into a former state.
To regress after partial recovery from illness.
To slip back into bad ways; backslide.
A falling back into a former state, especially after apparent improvement.

The definition of recovery.

If you examine the pure definition of the term “recovery” this is what you’ll find:

re·cov·er·y (r-kv-r)

The act, process, duration, or an instance of recovering.
A return to a normal condition.
Something gained or restored in recovering.

Why a relapse is totally separate from addiction recovery.

Recovery is a state that is ever-evolving, but also, not static. In other words, recovery doesn’t mean that a person won’t slip in and out of a life trajectory that is totally congruent with normal, healthy functioning. However, recovery is a state of being that doesn’t include a complete relapse, or sliding back into a previous state – as defined above.

Once a person relapses, they are reengaging a systemic process of addiction or drug abuse. Their neurochemistry, psychology, emotions, and physical vitality are all immediately impacted by the power of relapsing. The reality is that once a person relapses, despite what they or their loved ones want to believe, the prior recovery (if that’s really even what it was) is erased – and they have to start at the beginning again. It really doesn’t matter whether a person relapses for a short or long period of time. The essence of an addicted state is not merely limited to physiology. The basic of addiction are embodied in misperceptions and misguided beliefs, as much as in any physical state.

Denial, unwillingness, anger, fear. These are all parts of active addiction. When a person relapses, they have already crossed the line into embracing these ways of living vs. the recovery way of life – which is entirely the opposite; Insight, willingness, peace, faith. These characteristics don’t take place overnight, and they don’t usually return overnight after a relapse. It’s important to note that the idea of faith doesn’t refer to a faith in a Higher Power, but rather, the faith that things will improve, or get better if effort is continually put forth.

Relapse, at its very core, is the opposite of effort. Its the easy way out of discomfort, distress, or fear. Once a person relapses they effectively revert to a previous state. They go back in the pit of addiction and will have to once again clamor their way out, with effort, perseverance, willingness – all the ingredients that are required for change and real recovery.

What most people that relapse will say.

As soon as a relapse takes place, families, loved ones, and friends usually start hearing the same things:

The person who relapsed makes excuses for why they relapsed, like, “I was overwhelmed”, or, “I had a bad break up”. No matter what the reason is, it’s generally an excuse, plagued with denial about the fact they had stopped or hadn’t been practicing any of the principles of recovery.

Then the relapsed individual will start denying the seriousness of the situation, just like before they got “clean and sober”:

“It was just a slip”, or, “I only drank, I didn’t use opiates”. These glossed over statements are laden with denial, and designed to manipulate the people about them towards not taking the event seriously.

Then the relapsing addict will start telling people what they need:

“I know what I need to do. I’ve done it before”, or “I don’t need treatment, I can go to a sober living for a month or so”.

The truth is that if the person that relapsed had any power to prevent having relapsed – they would have prevented it. But they didn’t and they don’t. So trusting them to be able to solve the problem would be like believing you’re a superhero. It’s a nice thought, but it’s not real.

The reason the person relapsed to begin with is they were not in recovery. They were only abstinent. The above examples of what people do and say after relapsing describes the main differences between a person who is in recovery and a person who has simply been abstinent for a period of time.

Recovery is a state where something is gained or restored. Once recovery takes place, relapse is nearly impossible. But most people that relapse are only abstinent, so they have no ability to prevent the inevitable, no matter how much they hope, wish, or insist that the contrary is true.

The differences between abstinence and recovery.

This is why people usually relapse. They were not in recovery to begin with – they were only abstinent.

Abstinence

Sense of being different from others
Lack of awareness of seriousness of problem
Easily frustrated or angered, quick to complain
Blames others vs. being personally accountable
Dishonest
Close-minded
Unwillingness to take suggestions

Recovery

Understands seriousness of problem
Honest
Open-minded
Willingness to take suggestions
Looks for similarities rather than differences
Takes personal responsibility
Practices patience
Is excited about change

Most people that look at the difference between abstinence and recovery can clearly see that the person who relapsed never really was in recovery. Or if they were, it was only for a short period of time and they stopped growing in recovery and reverted to a state of being “dry”, also called abstinent.

The journey to recovery might include relapse.

So rather then think relapse is a part of recovery, think of the journey to recovery possibly, or maybe even, often – including relapse.

In order to embrace the requirements for recovery, each person has to experiment with their own methods and processes. This is the same as if someone is diagnosed with any type of medical illness. If the illness is serious, most people will seek a second opinion. In a lot of situations, if that illness requires a change in diet, people will still eat things they shouldn’t – until they become ill or exasperate their symptoms. Only then, will most people take the advice they were initially given for treatment.

Addicts are no different, fundamentally, then anyone else. They also have a great deal of denial about being labeled an addict, or substance abuser. They want to experiment with all sort of things to try and see if they can find the edges of that diagnosis.

The question is – how long will you wait to insist they do what they need to do?

After all – substance abuse disorders are the second leading cause of death in the United States.

Time isn’t necessarily on your side.